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It's Normal: As part of normal
development, very young children are unable to distinguish between fact and fantasy. In such circumstances, they will tell an untruth.
Older children, however, will tell
a lie to avoid responsibility or as an attempt to control
reality/parents/teachers/consequences/or any number of other circumstances affecting their
lives. We refer to such embellishments as "Embroidered Truth." Attempting to avoid punishment or disapproval is a natural response to the
un-developed conscience.
But lying can also be a signal to the watchful adult that the child is in need. Feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, or pressure from parents or other significant persons in the child’s life may provoke the child to lie.
One Teacher's Account:
Meet Katy:
On the first day of school, Katy entered the classroom and evaluated her new
surroundings. Slightly taller than the other children, her shining face glowed between two pigtails tied by bright yellow ribbons. I had no idea then that this
bright-eyed child had a need.
What??? During the first parent-teacher’s
assembly in October, I was startled when a towering man approached me and introduced himself as Katy’s father and pastor of a church in the community. In his sermon-projecting voice he asked me why I had led the children in hymns while I accompanied them on the piano. Wasn’t I aware of the separation between church and state? I had no idea what he was talking about. "Look around,"
I said, "I have no piano here.” He stormed off.
The rest of the story: Several weeks later,
during a meeting with Katy’s mother, the story began to unfold. Katy had
returned home from the first day of school with an in-depth theatrical rendition of how I
had gathered all of the children in a circle around the piano in our classroom and led the
class in songs of praise. After I met with Katy’s father, he confronted the
young thespian and realized that her version of the first day of school had not been
accurate. Katy’s mother had come to apologize.
Perhaps if Katy had felt more secure with her position in the
family, she would not have needed to create a story to elicit parental attention and
approval. Being the middle child wasn’t easy,
especially when the oldest daughter was brilliant and the youngest
child was the long-awaited
son. Katy needed her own identity. She needed her own star. That year,
we worked together to let her light shine. |