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Embroidered Truth
There are many reasons why children lie. Here
are five.
1. Fact vs. fantasy:
As part of normal development, very young children are unable to
distinguish between fact and fantasy. In such circumstances, they
may tell an untruth.
2. Seeking approval:
Older children will tell a lie as an
attempt to control reality/parents/teachers/or any number of other
circumstances affecting their lives.
Every child seeks approval and attempting to avoid disapproval is a natural response to the un-developed
conscience.
3. Avoiding responsibility:
A child attempting to avoid responsibility for an act is an indication to
the adult that instruction in personal accountability is needed.
Character education is an ongoing process in
early childhood development, and gentle explanations in this area add
greatly to the child's character.
4. Fear: A fourth scenario
is that a child will lie because of fear. Fear of punishment. Fear of
consequences. Fear of the adult's response. This fourth possibility
becomes a warning sign to parents and educators that
the child has moved from a place of trust and safety to one of fear.
5.
An unmet need: Lying can also be a signal to the watchful adult
that the child is in need. Feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, or
pressure from parents or other significant persons in the child’s life may
provoke the child to lie.
One Teacher's Account:
Meet Katy: On the first day of school, Katy
entered the classroom and evaluated her new surroundings. Slightly taller
than the other children, her shining face glowed between two pigtails tied
by bright yellow ribbons. I had no idea then that this bright-eyed child
had a need.
What??? During the first parent-teacher’s
assembly in October, I was startled when a towering man approached me and
introduced himself as Katy’s father and pastor of a church in the
community. In his sermon-projecting voice he asked me why I had led the
children in hymns while I accompanied them on the piano. Wasn’t I aware of
the separation between church and state? I had no idea what he was talking
about. "Look around," I said, "I have no piano here.” He stormed off.
The rest of the story: Several weeks later,
during a meeting with Katy’s mother, the story began to unfold. Katy had
returned home from the first day of school with an in-depth theatrical
rendition of how I had gathered all of the children in a circle around the
piano in our classroom and led the class in songs of praise. After I met
with Katy’s father, he confronted the young thespian and realized that her
version of the first day of school had not been accurate. Katy’s mother
had come to apologize.
Perhaps if Katy had felt more secure with her position in the family, she
would not have needed to create a story to elicit parental attention and
approval. Being the middle child wasn’t easy, especially when the oldest
daughter was brilliant and the youngest child was the long-awaited
son. Katy needed her own identity. She needed her own star. That year, we
worked together to let her light shine.
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